Mind your busyness
Have you called up a friend and told her that you wanted to celebrate that well deserved job promotion? When you reached out, you got the “I’m busy” response. She was too busy to carve out the time; but appreciated the call. She further stated that she would reach out to you at some point. You know - when she’s not so busy. She tells you that she'd love to see you and catch up. However, in the big scheme of things, she has a toddler, an adolescent in high school, involvement in three professional organizations, her main job, and her newly launched entrepreneurial job. You wonder how she’s able to make time to use the bathroom!
Friendships tend to go through changes. Family relationships go through changes. These relationships naturally evolve and grow as time passes, or fizzle out and eventually dissolve. What does all the busyness mean though?
“I’m too busy to do the laundry this week.”
“I’m too busy to go for my yearly physical.”
“I'm too busy to get the car an oil change.”
“I’m too busy to update my resume and apply for that new job.”
Yeah, that type of busyness. Things that need to get accomplished are delayed or avoided. When things aren’t prioritized, don’t have a deadline, it just falls to the wayside. I don’t know about you, but it’s important for me to have a clear delineation in things I’m giving attention to so that I can take care of my mental, spiritual, and physical needs. There are times when I need my naps, just like a brand spanking new baby fresh out the womb. I know this about myself. Those naps afford me the opportunity to recharge, regroup, and rejuvenate my mind and my body.
We always think we have so much time until we hear the sad news that a friend or family member passed away. Then we’re trying to make time to pay our final respects and offer love and support to the surviving family members. For me, I want to be able to say yes to what I can in my relationships, without sacrificing my personal and professional commitments. That requires me to hold myself accountable to what it is that I say I’m going to do. It’s also ok for me to pass on an invitation or event. I know there’s nothing wrong with being able to say no if I truly can’t commit.
I keep a digital calendar to manage my personal and professional commitments. Whenever I’m asked to attend a get together or I want to attend a professional conference, I need to have everything scheduled in one place for the most part. I have to admit, there are times when I write things down on paper with the intention of adding it to my calendar and I end up misplacing the paper! Don’t you just hate when that happens? It’s so annoying. Those are the times that I find myself double booked on a given day and then I’m left shaking my head. Thank goodness this is the exception and not a regular occurrence.
I have found several things helpful in order to refrain from the busyness response:
1. Prioritization. If people aren’t making you a priority, it can make you feel undervalued. This could cause feelings of loneliness and isolation, which might not be another person’s intention at all. However, it does put into question whether this is a viable connection with the other person. Is this event or meet up something that you want to prioritize? Your answer will lead you to what you will do next.
2. Time management. Time is of importance when considering meeting up with a person. If you’re struggling to manage time, that could lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout. If you’re finding yourself responding to people with ‘I’m busy’ more often than not, it’s time to consider all the things you’re juggling, and if you need to un-busy yourself a bit. Then make a choice to solidify it on your calendar or rule it out.
3. Communication. A communication issue can easily arise from not having a clear discussion about work schedules with the other person. Other times, we’re not being assertive enough in expressing what we need from the other person. Text messaging can be misconstrued and the true meaning of what you’re trying to convey can be misinterpreted. We know how we would like to spend time with a friend, colleague, or family member, but they aren’t mind readers and don’t necessarily know what we’re thinking in terms of planning unless we’ve shared all the details. Make sure you convey if you’re spending the day or just a portion of it, and make plans with clarity and conviction.
There are times when people genuinely are too busy due to work, school, family commitments or other obligations. Everyone has different priorities and schedules. Nonetheless, it's important to practice self-care and not take it personally if someone is unable to make time for you. Go alone to see that movie that’s now in the theater. Go for that walk and clear your mind of today’s worries. Maybe you’ve even been meaning to try a new recipe. Go to the supermarket, buy the ingredients, and make your new dish! You might need it for the next barbeque or potluck.
Here's some suggestions on how you can cultivate consistency without all that busyness.
1. Practice self-discipline and hold yourself accountable to what you say you’ll do. You know what you like, what you’re open to trying, and what you just don’t want to do. Honor that.
2. Be clear about your yes. Make a list and prioritize those things on your to-do list. See if you can free time up or create some time to be with that friend that you haven’t seen in a while or plan a trip to visit them.
3. Take breaks and recharge from day-to-day stressors. At work, I like going for a walk during lunch. At home, I like tending to my garden when I need to get out of my thoughts and into my body. Taking a break allows you to engage in self-care for your overall well-being.
4. Use productivity tools and apps to keep you accomplishing the tasks you want to see to fruition. For example, decluttering the house, donating clothing, and recycling electronic items.
If you find yourself feeling too busy, it's important to take steps to slow down and prioritize your time. This may mean saying no to commitments, delegating tasks, or simply taking some time for yourself. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, it's important to seek help. Talking to a therapist can help you develop strategies for coping with stress and managing your time more efficiently. It’s also important to make sure you're taking care of your physical and mental health, since both are essential for a happy and productive life. At the end of the day, you’re all that you have. Stop stressing that your life isn’t in balance and simply live with intention.
