Kimmie from The Block

I’m still Kimmie from the block! Ha! Some things change and other things remain the same. I was affectionately called Kimmie by my mom. As a little girl growing up in The Boogie Down Bronx, I went to public school in the neighborhood. My mother was a foster parent and we always had at least two foster children in the home in addition to the two other biological siblings that were raised with me.

Those kids that lived with us were physically abused- rope burns on the neck, cigarette burns on the hands. As a little kid, it was kind of traumatizing to see these kids like that and wonder…. who hurts kids like that? It was scary to me. Then there was a woman who would come each month to check on these kids. She really wanted the best for the kids. She wanted to know if they were eating well, getting enough rest, and all that. She appeared to genuinely care about their wellbeing, their ability to adjust, adapt, and be safe in a home that they could call their own. As a young child, I didn’t know her occupation. I just knew that Ms. So and so was coming to check on the kids. I would later learn that she is a Social Worker. At that moment, I knew that I wanted to be that! The advocate, the organizer, the facilitator, the empathetic assessor, and the go-to person with the resources that gets things moving. Those seemed like some pretty big shoes to fill; but it also felt doable and achievable.

I was fond of my high school teacher, Ms. Jean Campus. She was that teacher that really took an interest in me and wanted to see me excel academically and graduate from high school. I attended Grace Dodge Vocational High School off Fordham Road in the Bronx. Back then, I needed to take two buses to school and back home. In high school, back in those days, you could become part of the work study program and earn credits toward graduation! Yep…I did that. I worked my McDonald’s job as a cashier as I completed my high school education. My parents were separated by this time, and I was planning on attending college. So, any money earned was good money-you know what I mean? The vision of becoming a Social Worker meant college and eventually attending graduate school. My parents had low incomes, so I knew I had to figure out the finances if I was going to make this vision a reality.

My high school-Grace Dodge Vocational High School.

It's funny, when I was younger, I didn’t think that becoming a Social Worker was unattainable. I just believed that I could do it even if I didn’t know how I was going to get there. I just trusted that things would work out. It’s just like putting puzzle pieces together. You take them out the box and you trust that all the pieces are there and that you will see it to completion. Don’t get me wrong though. There were missing pieces-money, time, and commitment to see it all through. I just decided that I would take the first right step in that direction instead of overwhelming myself with everything else. I felt that it was just enough for me to acknowledge that this was a process and what needed to unfold would happen in due time. Patience and persistence would be my mantra.

Student loan debt is real! I was willing to accumulate the debt to achieve my professional goal. I also worked two jobs off campus and one on campus. I kept in touch with Ms. Campus from high school and she’d be my cheerleader on the sidelines. I was driven and I knew that I wasn’t going to let myself down.

I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others just like the Social Worker in my young childhood years. I completed my bachelor’s degree. Then I completed my master’s degree while raising a two-year-old child. Fast forward a few more years, I told you that I was raised in The Boogie Down Bronx. Well, I’ve always had an affinity to work in the community where I was raised to inspire young Kims and little boys. I would get the opportunity to do just that when I worked in the public school system.

I ended up working in the community that I was raised in.  It’s ironic that I would end up working at a school that my adoptive brothers attended. Yes, my mother eventually ended up adopting two biological brothers. I would work with a school staff of professionals that knew my mom when she was alive. It was special in its own little way. Yes, this made it all worth it and there was a sense of fulfillment. I do what I do because I know that I can and have made a difference in the lives of children, adults, and parents. I do this work because of the intrinsic value that it brings. I know that I might not be able to help everyone. For the people that I can help, they won’t forget how I made them feel.

The school setting offered me the ability to connect with parents. I could help them find places to obtain a free physical for a new job. I could help them navigate how to find a therapist that would meet their needs. Children were able to have counseling sessions to learn how to deal with their emotions instead of acting them out in the classroom. I would advocate for them and provide resources. I could be the empathic assessor as the families would be in a state of flux living from one home and transitioning to another one. I would facilitate meetings between families and organizations so that they wouldn’t get caught in the red tape. I would organize activities to make sure that food or clothing donations were made to needy families.

Yes, being in the role of a Social Worker made it all worth it!

Each person needs to know that they are worthy and deserving of good things to happen for them. Every person needs to feel hopeful. Everyone needs a cheerleader at some point in their lives to support them along the way or to say, you’ve got this! Ms. Campus was that unwavering support for me for over thirty years. She would die on March 20, 2016, the day before my birthday. I would never ever forget about the way that she made me feel.

I’m still Kimmie from the block! I’m an adult now who pursued an occupation in the helping profession. I fulfilled my childhood dream of professionally helping others. Each day professionally and personally, I have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of other people. After the death of my mother followed by the death of my only child, my conviction to help others only grew. You see not everyone will be there for you when you experience loss. They might bounce out of your life with the quickness. I truly believe that my childhood aspirations of being a Social Worker saved my life not knowing that I would experience two devastating losses. I didn’t know my own strength. But I was about to meet that strength. You see, in those moments in my life….it meant that whatever I did next, I would have to conquer it alone.

You know when it comes to love, it never dies. The love for my loved ones extends beyond the veil of heaven and earth. When your loved ones are no longer on this earthly plane, love just transforms. I learned how to integrate the pain and ride the waves of grief until the next wave hit. It sounds like grief will never leave and it won’t. But the pain from the loss gets easier in time. I’m still a work in progress each day. I find myself in therapy when I need to. I engage in self-care activities so that I don’t burn out. More importantly, I love to laugh! Laughter heals. Find a friend or family member who loves to experience belly laughs with you. Those deep down in your soul belly laughs. You know…the laughter that makes your stomach, cheeks, and jaw hurt. They hurt so bad that now you actually want to stop laughing and can’t! Yeah…that kind of laughter is so good for you. When I was at the repass for my son, I found my laughter….it looked like I was constipated when I was laughing. I share this with you because that laughter was an indicator that I would be on the comeback.

Shine the light on ‘em! Yeah! Shine the light on ‘em! You know that song by Will Traxx? Listen, as you grow up, you never envision anything terrible happening to you as an adult. You’re thinking about what you aspire to be and things that you will buy. Those devastating losses were full of lessons. Rediscovering oneself. Loving oneself when others leave your life. Learning how to incorporate love and loss. Integrating the experience to reclaim all that I can be in spite of it all. It takes courage to show up for yourself during the most poignant times in your life. I chose to embrace what was possible for my life and transform it into my new normal. It has been said that pain is inevitable, and suffering is optional. I chose to not allow those experiences to define me. I chose to continue what I started. I continued to be the light as a Social Worker so that others could find their way back to themselves in a new way. After all, I wasn’t going to let my inner child miss out on the opportunity that she longed for!